Waking the Walker

A mother's quest to survive her son's "zombie" years – aka his teens.

Tag: Sarah Wayne Callies

A Mother’s Love

I seem to find myself in quite the quandary this month. I feel like I’ve lost my mojo. I had every intention of dedicating this month’s post to mothers, in particular my amazing Mom, but every time I start to write, I find myself struggling to find the right words. I have started the post, but my words aren’t sparking me to move on. I even found a quote I felt would be perfect to set the tone.

Ribbons of Love“Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart.” ~Author Unknown

Unfortunately, I feel so many of my words are the same words written by many before me. See below.

It has been said in more ways than one that there is no greater love than that of a mother for her child. As a mother and a daughter, I can attest this to be true. When my son was born, he became the center of my universe. When he hurts, I hurt. When he’s happy, so am I. When he excels, I cry tears of joy. If we fight, it hurts me to my core. I know I will always feel this way. When he’s a grown man with a family of his own, my love with expand to his children. The amount of love our hearts can give is astounding. I saw this with my mother. She hung in there as long as should could, not for herself, but for her children. Sitting by her bedside her last couple days, you could see the fight in her.”

This is as far as I got. The words stopped. My mind felt blocked. My heart numb. It’s even painful to hear co-workers speak of their Mother’s. This just plain sucks. Best Nurse Ever

I thought I was doing OK until I realized May 6th was Nurse’s Day. You got it, my Mom was a nurse. The best there ever was. Her compassion for her patients reached well beyond her duties. After my father passed, she took a position at a local college and built the health service for the students from the ground up, by herself. Each one of those students became like another child to her and the feeling was mutual with the students. This was evident by the beautiful and touching words written by former students on the school’s Facebook page after she passed. In addition, there were former students that actually came to her services. My Mom was 94, and retired from the school in the late nineties. She started the health service in 1966. The students that attended services graduated in the 70’s. That is truly a testament as to the kind of woman she was.

Just imagine having a woman like this as your Mom. My siblings and I were beyond blessed. Saying goodbye to a woman who’s heart never turned a soul away, even those that hurt her, rips at those ribbons of her love woven around our hearts. When she passed a little piece of our hearts died with her. There is a void where once there was love. Read the rest of this entry »

Button-Pusher Extraordinaire

With the shine from our whirlwind TWD Summer Road trip beginning to tarnish, I’m again examining the things that trigger trouble between my son and me. One of the biggest being my son’s amazing talent as button-pusher extraordinaire. I’m sure every parent has one child who has dont_push_my_button-r3c6297fa441d4fdcbeee037277a46cf5_x7j12_8byvr_512this skill, but not all have quite mastered it like my son. The thing that’s disturbing is he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. It just comes naturally. And with more finesse as he gets older. The sad thing is I know this and to be honest, haven’t ever considered a way to nip this in the bud. That was until the birth of this blog.

As I was finishing last months entry, I had no idea where I was going to go with a theme for this month. That was until one Saturday night, just before bed. I was completely relaxed, having watched a little TV while partaking of some fruit of the vine. All I wanted to do was go to bed. As we were heading up stairs, it dawned on me that I had forgotten to call DirectTV to cancel the HD channel tier that we had for a 3 month trial period. My mistake was saying this out loud. At this point, my son went into a dissertation about how he read somewhere online about someone who spent hours on the phone with Direct TV trying to cancel their service. I immediately stated that this wasn’t the same thing and I have never had a problem with DirectTV. This wasn’t enough for my son. He had to continue to go and on about the story he read, to the point of trying to prove me wrong. (Some days he scares me, he’s got the making of an amazing lawyer. He can argue a point even when he knows he’s wrong.) Needless to say, this made me explode. Two things that don’t mix with button pushing are being tired and having partaken of an adult beverage. I won’t go into details, I’ll just say  it got ugly and we went to bed mad at each other, something I swore I would not do with my son.

The next morning I woke up feeling extremely remorseful for not being the big girl. I should have just let it go. I decided at this point that I needed to find a way to get through to my son about his button pushing. As with many other issues, we have light and casual conversations about the subject. Even making jokes sometimes, but just like the “King of Excuses, Procrastination and Dilly Dally,” things have escalated well beyond joking. I didn’t want to live in a war zone and I certainly didn’t want to be the screaming at my son mother that I was the night before. It hurts both of us and only pushes him away and back into his shell. As I mulled this over in my mind, my thoughts meandered to the wonderful time we had on our road trip, and than it dawned on me, “The Walking Dead” just might be the thing I need to get through to my son. This show has been littered with button-pushers and instigators, one of whom is/was the most despicable character on the show. The question was, did my son see them the same way?

Once my son was up, I respectfully hugged him and apologized for my outburst and unkind words, and we proceeded to have a brief discussion about letting things go when Mom says to let them go, especially at bed time when Mom is tired. He appreciated the apology and seemed to understand that pushing an issue at bed time was never a good thing. I waited till we were eating breakfast to step into the world of “The Walking Dead.” I opened the discussion by asking him if there were any characters on the show that could fall into the category of button-pusher/instigator. Without hesitation he blurted out “Merle, Shane, the Governor and even Lori.” I was beaming. He did get it. Read the rest of this entry »

Gumby Mom

I find It very ironic that in this very merry month of May, with a special day dedicated to Mothers, I find myself volunteered well beyond any other time in my mothering life. As a single Mom I try hard to make sure I don’t spread myself too thin. I’m very selective about what I volunteer for because being home for my son is far more important to me than how much time I give up for school related groups. Not that being involved with school related groups isn’t important, I just feel it shouldn’t take an excessive amount of time away from my home. The situation I find myself in this month is rare to say the least and caused, in part, by the lack of action by any other parent. I saw a need that others agreed should be dealt with, but nobody wanted to take on the task, so, by default it became mine. This was in addition to obligations I had previously committed to. If I learned anything from this, it is to keep my mouth shut unless I know for sure the “I” will become a “we” really fast.


It is this over extending of myself that made me begin to wonder about all the ways Mother’s go above and beyond their every day duties. I don’t just mean all the volunteering, but the extra things Mom’s do for their children. The things we do to keep our youngins feeling safe, happy and grounded. Something we may think is nothing appears to others as a feat greater than they would have or could have imagined. I’ve been told the hoops I jumped through to protect and defend my son in elementary school were above and beyond and even brave. Although this is flattering, I don’t feel that way. I knew my son was not ADHD and I refused to just accept blindly what the school was telling me. (Momma Bear with her claws up.) I reached outside my comfort zone and challenged the school. By seeking outside council and educating myself about what it truly means to be gifted and spirited, I became an advocate for my son and all misunderstood children who’s processing centers operate at a faster pace than the norm. To me this is what every parent would do. If your child were sick, would you not go to any length to get him/her the medical care he/she needed? Wouldn’t you educate yourself about his/her illness so you knew what you were up against? Wouldn’t you donate an organ if that’s what your child needed? Read the rest of this entry »

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