Waking the Walker

A mother's quest to survive her son's "zombie" years – aka his teens.

Tag: grace

Monsters Under the Bed

Monsters Under the BedAs a child I’m sure you had things that frightened you, I know I did. During the day all would be fine, but once night fell, my imagination would run wild with images of monsters under my bed, in my closet or at the window outside. Every noise I heard during the night was sure to be something scary with fangs and claws coming to get me. God forbid I had to go into the basement by myself. And not just at night, it could have been any given time of the day. That was the dungeon of all things creepy, lurking in every dark corner.

For me, vampires were my number one nemesis. Guessing I watched way to many Bella Lugosi movies in my formative years. Even in the summer, I would sleep with sheets pulled up around my neck. Hell, I still do. Some habits die hard. Even though I knew vampires weren’t real, the imagery in books, films and even TV, remember “Dark Shadows,” laid out an extremely believable world. Enough so that I bought the concept of these undead creatures roaming the earth by the dark of the night in search of their next victim. As an adult, I know better, although I can honestly say that I have known people who are vampire-like, sucking the life out of me, draining me physically, emotionally and mentally. They scare me more than the fictional ones for sure.
Zombie Teen
As you know, if you’re a regular reader, as a child, my son had a major fear of zombies eating his brain during the night, so he slept with a knit cap on. He has fortunately out grown that, and actually visualizes how he would battle them. Another valuable lesson learned from “The Walking Dead.” He keeps quite an arsenal of Nerf weapons in his room, just in case. (Funny thing though, what he doesn’t get is that his love of electronics is the “real” zombie slowly eating away at his brain. And the new monster under my bed keeping me awake at night and during the day.)

My son, however, is still not fond of a dark house. He turns on lights en route to every room and very often leaves the trail of lights on even with threats to use his allowance to pay the electric bill. The irony here is that he can watch and read things other than “The Walking Dead” that are definitely in the horror genre. Not the slice ‘em dice ‘em ones, but the supernatural, creatures from another world ones, like “American Horror Story” and “Supernatural.” I’m not a huge fan of “American Horror Story,” not because it’s not a good show, but because I found it hard to follow and a bit too out there for me. If that’s believable. “Supernatural” on the other hand sucked me in just like “The Walking Dead” and has become our new addiction.
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A Mother’s Love

I seem to find myself in quite the quandary this month. I feel like I’ve lost my mojo. I had every intention of dedicating this month’s post to mothers, in particular my amazing Mom, but every time I start to write, I find myself struggling to find the right words. I have started the post, but my words aren’t sparking me to move on. I even found a quote I felt would be perfect to set the tone.

Ribbons of Love“Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart.” ~Author Unknown

Unfortunately, I feel so many of my words are the same words written by many before me. See below.

It has been said in more ways than one that there is no greater love than that of a mother for her child. As a mother and a daughter, I can attest this to be true. When my son was born, he became the center of my universe. When he hurts, I hurt. When he’s happy, so am I. When he excels, I cry tears of joy. If we fight, it hurts me to my core. I know I will always feel this way. When he’s a grown man with a family of his own, my love with expand to his children. The amount of love our hearts can give is astounding. I saw this with my mother. She hung in there as long as should could, not for herself, but for her children. Sitting by her bedside her last couple days, you could see the fight in her.”

This is as far as I got. The words stopped. My mind felt blocked. My heart numb. It’s even painful to hear co-workers speak of their Mother’s. This just plain sucks. Best Nurse Ever

I thought I was doing OK until I realized May 6th was Nurse’s Day. You got it, my Mom was a nurse. The best there ever was. Her compassion for her patients reached well beyond her duties. After my father passed, she took a position at a local college and built the health service for the students from the ground up, by herself. Each one of those students became like another child to her and the feeling was mutual with the students. This was evident by the beautiful and touching words written by former students on the school’s Facebook page after she passed. In addition, there were former students that actually came to her services. My Mom was 94, and retired from the school in the late nineties. She started the health service in 1966. The students that attended services graduated in the 70’s. That is truly a testament as to the kind of woman she was.

Just imagine having a woman like this as your Mom. My siblings and I were beyond blessed. Saying goodbye to a woman who’s heart never turned a soul away, even those that hurt her, rips at those ribbons of her love woven around our hearts. When she passed a little piece of our hearts died with her. There is a void where once there was love. Read the rest of this entry »

Zombie Robot Mode

As March ended and April started, I found myself sinking into “Zombie Robot Mode.” Going through the motions with little emotion. Running on autopilot. It’s that “stuck in rut” mode with no clue how to brake the cycle. I’ve been in this place before and it usually ended up with me making a major change like a new job, or even picking up and moving to a new state. That was before becoming a Mom. Roboat Woman

I will be at my present job for 14 years this December. The closest I ever came to staying at a job longer than 2 – 3 years was a 7 year run at an ad agency, which ended with me leaving my husband and then moving to the beach. When I needed a change, I would go for it. (In the world of advertising that was actually the only way to really find advancement, so it helped.) Unfortunately, that doesn’t work so well when you’re raising a child. We have moved, quite a few times, till settling into the beautiful home we are in now, thanks to my sister, but each one of those moves was based on what would be best for my son. As was my decision to settle into my present job. When raising a child the key factor is always security. Emotional, spiritual, physical and financial.

As a creative person at times I have felt myself stagnating. Resurrecting my writing 6 years ago has been my saving grace. I may not be writing full-time, which is my ultimate goal, but I am still writing, which sustains me when the day-to-day ends up sucking the life out of me. So, why are things getting to me more now than any time before? Could it be facing another birthday, knowing I’m not getting any younger and my dreams are just as far away now as they were 20 years ago? Maybe, but, I try hard to be a glass half-full kind of girl, and can usually pull myself up and out of a dark mood. Something more was at play, but what?
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