Waking the Walker

A mother's quest to survive her son's "zombie" years – aka his teens.

Tag: finding balance

Breaking Bad Habits

With a new year upon us, I have renewed energy and good intentions to change the things I know aren’t working or need tweaking in my household, thus creating a healthier environment for my Son and I. We all have bad habits. We are human after all and therefore not perfect. The issue though is whether we recognize them and realize they need to be broken.

As I have written about in the past, I can trigger rather quickly when frustration sets in and the bulk of my frustration comes from my Son’s lack of action. As the frustration builds so does my temper. With temper comes yelling, and some choice words, both of which I am not proud of.

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I know I can’t change my Son.

All change has to come from within. One has to want to change; otherwise all efforts will be half-hearted and set you up to fail.

So the key here is for me to find a way to prevent frustration from setting in or find a way to redirect my frustration and defuse the temper before it triggers. I know this is easier said than done, because if it were I would have mastered it already.

My Son does not see or understand my frustration. He believes I am a nag.

The dictionary defines nag as: to find fault incessantly; to be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction; and to irritate by constant scolding or urging.

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Considering the fact that my Son sees my questions or suggestions as me finding fault or badgering, not as helpful, by definition, in his mind I fit the bill.

Over the years I have stepped back from checking on my Son too much, particularly about schoolwork. I know he has to learn how to manage his time and workload on his own.

But, when his poor planning or work habits interfere with say our dinnertime, frustration sets in. Or things he used to do without any reminding, like practicing his trombone, or taking the garbage out, become a constant reminder, frustration sets in. Especially when he can still find time to game or watch an endless stream of useless videos on YouTube, which on some occasions is what he’s doing when he shows up late for dinner.


Now I’m not begrudging the need for my Son to take a break, but when the break lasts longer than the time spent doing homework, chores or college preparatory projects, frustration sets in. Read the rest of this entry »

Gumby Mom

I find It very ironic that in this very merry month of May, with a special day dedicated to Mothers, I find myself volunteered well beyond any other time in my mothering life. As a single Mom I try hard to make sure I don’t spread myself too thin. I’m very selective about what I volunteer for because being home for my son is far more important to me than how much time I give up for school related groups. Not that being involved with school related groups isn’t important, I just feel it shouldn’t take an excessive amount of time away from my home. The situation I find myself in this month is rare to say the least and caused, in part, by the lack of action by any other parent. I saw a need that others agreed should be dealt with, but nobody wanted to take on the task, so, by default it became mine. This was in addition to obligations I had previously committed to. If I learned anything from this, it is to keep my mouth shut unless I know for sure the “I” will become a “we” really fast.


It is this over extending of myself that made me begin to wonder about all the ways Mother’s go above and beyond their every day duties. I don’t just mean all the volunteering, but the extra things Mom’s do for their children. The things we do to keep our youngins feeling safe, happy and grounded. Something we may think is nothing appears to others as a feat greater than they would have or could have imagined. I’ve been told the hoops I jumped through to protect and defend my son in elementary school were above and beyond and even brave. Although this is flattering, I don’t feel that way. I knew my son was not ADHD and I refused to just accept blindly what the school was telling me. (Momma Bear with her claws up.) I reached outside my comfort zone and challenged the school. By seeking outside council and educating myself about what it truly means to be gifted and spirited, I became an advocate for my son and all misunderstood children who’s processing centers operate at a faster pace than the norm. To me this is what every parent would do. If your child were sick, would you not go to any length to get him/her the medical care he/she needed? Wouldn’t you educate yourself about his/her illness so you knew what you were up against? Wouldn’t you donate an organ if that’s what your child needed? Read the rest of this entry »

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