After the insanity of the past couple months at work, which lead me to feeling as though I had lost my way, I had one day early this month where I was actually caught up, at least for a few hours.
Something I haven’t experienced in months.
I knew this moment would not last long; so I took advantage of it and allowed myself time to breathe. During that time I meditated on the fact that despite the frenetic days we can all experience at my office, everyone generally stays in an upbeat mood.
Are there moments of bitching and complaining? Sure, we are human after all. We have our limits.
Overall though, there is an attitude of gratitude. My co-workers are grateful to have a job, and have the opportunity to do overtime to help make ends meet. Not every company would be so generous.
It made me realize that although in general I too am upbeat, over the course of the past couple months, I have had some days that I resented having to do overtime.
Not because I mind doing it. Honestly I don’t mind an extra hour every day, or a day here and there when I might need more than that to get almost caught up.
What I resent is that I now need to do it in order to make ends meet. I don’t have an option.
You see, my Son had received Social Security benefits because his father passed when he was three. This additional monthly income allowed me to make ends meet and not have to do overtime all the time in order to do so.
BUT, when my Son graduated from high school that money was cut off. Personally I feel that makes no sense. Wouldn’t that money come in handy when sending your child to college? Of course it would.
Obviously Social Security doesn’t think that way, but I won’t get into that now.
Leading up to the date this money was to be cut off I was having anxiety attacks about how to replace this money. Did I need to take on a part time job? Or, would there be enough work at work to warrant consistent overtime?
My answer came as things began to get busier than normal in late Spring, and explode through the Summer and Fall. Just at the time I needed it.
Will things stay this way? I don’t know for sure, but for now I am able to fill the financial void that caused me great anxiety, which is a good thing.
And, over the course of the past couple months I have adjusted to a longer workday. It has become my new norm.
In addition, should I need to supplement with a part-time job if the OT ends up not being consistent, I will be mentally and emotionally prepared.
So, although I may not be thrilled that working more than 40 hours a week is my new way of life, I am grateful that the opportunity is there.
I am also grateful that I didn’t have to do this while my Son was still at home. There are many families out there that can’t say the same.
While pondering all this, I have realized though that you can’t just say you are grateful, you have to live life with a grateful heart. It has to be at your core, all the time.
I have also discovered this is most definitely easier said than done. All it takes is one overly stressful day to push any form of gratitude back into resentment.
It is with all of this in mind, that I am working on not just consistently having an attitude of gratitude, but living every day with a grateful heart. And this applies to all aspects of my life, not just my work situation.
My hope is that in so doing, I will be putting positive energy out into the universe, which in turn will bring positive energy back to me. Thus creating a circle of positivity, which can only open doors to a better way of living.
I do realize this may seem like a Pollyanna concept, but what better time of year to come to this realization and decide to make a conscious effort to change my way of thinking.
The holidays are upon us and a New Year is beckoning.
A new year in which I have vowed to introduce my new blog “Waking the Woman – a Mother’s quest to rediscover herself after her Son leaves for college.”
AND, part of my rediscovery will most definitely involve working on living with a grateful heart.
As we head into one of the busiest times of the year, I’m quite sure my efforts will be tested on multiple levels, so check back next month for an update on my progress.
© Mariann E. Danko and Waking the Walker, 2018. All rights reserved.